Daily Excess reporter Phil Guttersnipe was hailed a national hero by his employers today after his discovery of a link between car crashes and eating disorders gave editors the first new reason to put Princess Diana on the cover of their paper since the death of Jade Goody.
"With this magnificent discovery we can get at least two weeks worth of Diana photo's for our cover, which will increase our daily sales by at least 20% with the Lonely Bastard and Old Batty Lady demographics."
So desperate had the Daily Excess' search for reasons to re-use Diana photos become, they had even considered staging an international conference for Spouses of Royal Heirs.
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